Ethical Investor Gifts

"How can a fund that's loosing us money call itself socially responsible?"

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

'No honest - he's in a meeting!'

'Excellent idea, Primrose...but will the public buy it?'

IOC and human rights.

"They're my advisors on greedy investments, and socially responsible investments."

"I'll invest, but you must promise none of my money will go towards that Robert Mugabe."

Legal and immoral

"It seems to me it's a little unethical to recommend only ethical companies."

"I used to invest mainly in socially conscious funds, then I found the difference between 'right and wrong' is that wrong pays better."

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

'It's not a spitoon. It's for scruples.'

'I can still remember the days when you had a social conscience'.

'Of course I'm an ethical investor, I won't even buy oil stocks because they're crude'

'He's my advisor on social conscience funds.'

'The top graph shows the patient's progress. The bottom one's the drug company's share price.'

'To avoid any conflict, I've put my ethics in a blind trust.'

'Our social conscience fund invests in companies that don't do animal testing.'

'It's nice they let you invest up here, but all I can get are social conscience funds.'

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

'I call this our 'Unethical Fund'. It holds only companies whose executives are in jail.'

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

Saving for College.

A wiser and a better man

'Still, there's a lot of money to be made.'

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

"And you call yourself a socially-responsible investment portfolio!"

"I suppose it's too late to start testing on animals?"

Nasty, Shady, and Gruesome equal Massive potential profits

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'