Ethical Investing Gifts

"I feel like a hypocrite writing a report on the Green Revolution. My trust fund portfolio has oil, mining, and tobacco stocks."

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

'It's nice they let you invest up here, but all I can get are social conscience funds.'

'Our social conscience fund invests in companies that don't do animal testing.'

'Shall we accept not-so-special interet money?'

'He's my advisor on social conscience funds.'

'Of course I'm an ethical investor, I won't even buy oil stocks because they're crude'

"I used to invest mainly in socially conscious funds, then I found the difference between 'right and wrong' is that wrong pays better."

"They're my advisors on greedy investments, and socially responsible investments."

"And you call yourself a socially-responsible investment portfolio!"

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

A wiser and a better man

"Do you know that we saved a ton of money on legal fees by being more ethical?"

'Still, there's a lot of money to be made.'

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

IOC and human rights.

"I suppose it's too late to start testing on animals?"

Nasty, Shady, and Gruesome equal Massive potential profits

Climate Crisis and the Banks

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

'That's it agreed then - the company's new motto is going to be 'We didn't do anything illegal'.'

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

'The diagnostic computer says it's in your financial best interest to invest in the companies whose drugs you take.'

'Excellent idea, Primrose...but will the public buy it?'

'To avoid any conflict, I've put my ethics in a blind trust.'

Without telling me, you invested my salary in The Infant Restaurant Critic. It's a funny story, actually … Weeks earlier, the cafe got a visit from a baby whose screaming and yelling can make or break the restaurant. If the baby eats the food, the eatery gets a good review online. If not, ouch. It's not Yelp, more like yell. Or whine. But like so many subjective concepts, this one can be corrupted. It turned out that the entrepreneurs behind The Infant Restaurant Critic were willing to compromis

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

'They're not our 'profits,' Mike. We like to think of them as the organic by-products of non-toxic capitalism!'

'Mr Hines, invest in two 'feel good' stocks, and call me in the morning.'

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'