Ethical Investing Gifts

"I feel like a hypocrite writing a report on the Green Revolution. My trust fund portfolio has oil, mining, and tobacco stocks."

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

'It's nice they let you invest up here, but all I can get are social conscience funds.'

'Our social conscience fund invests in companies that don't do animal testing.'

'Shall we accept not-so-special interet money?'

'He's my advisor on social conscience funds.'

'Of course I'm an ethical investor, I won't even buy oil stocks because they're crude'

"I used to invest mainly in socially conscious funds, then I found the difference between 'right and wrong' is that wrong pays better."

"They're my advisors on greedy investments, and socially responsible investments."

"And you call yourself a socially-responsible investment portfolio!"

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

A wiser and a better man

"Do you know that we saved a ton of money on legal fees by being more ethical?"

'Still, there's a lot of money to be made.'

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

IOC and human rights.

Nasty, Shady, and Gruesome equal Massive potential profits

Climate Crisis and the Banks

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

"I suppose it's too late to start testing on animals?"

"On the one hand, we'll burn in hell; on the other, that's a lot of money."

'That's it agreed then - the company's new motto is going to be 'We didn't do anything illegal'.'

'The diagnostic computer says it's in your financial best interest to invest in the companies whose drugs you take.'

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

'Excellent idea, Primrose...but will the public buy it?'

'To avoid any conflict, I've put my ethics in a blind trust.'

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

'They're not our 'profits,' Mike. We like to think of them as the organic by-products of non-toxic capitalism!'

'I'm doing my bit got the planet by investing in biofuels. . . Mind you, the fact that they'll have to strip-mine South America for crop space may well put a few noses out of joint.'

'Mr Hines, invest in two 'feel good' stocks, and call me in the morning.'

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'