Health-conscious Investors Gifts

'You can rest assured that our 'diet conscience' fund invests only in low-fat, low cholesterol food companies.'

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

A wiser and a better man

IOC and human rights.

The Economy Discovers FFF!

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

"And you call yourself a socially-responsible investment portfolio!"

Climate Crisis and the Banks

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

'The diagnostic computer says it's in your financial best interest to invest in the companies whose drugs you take.'

'Excellent idea, Primrose...but will the public buy it?'

'If you want them balanced, it'll be an extra 250 dollars.'

'To avoid any conflict, I've put my ethics in a blind trust.'

Without telling me, you invested my salary in The Infant Restaurant Critic. It's a funny story, actually … Weeks earlier, the cafe got a visit from a baby whose screaming and yelling can make or break the restaurant. If the baby eats the food, the eatery gets a good review online. If not, ouch. It's not Yelp, more like yell. Or whine. But like so many subjective concepts, this one can be corrupted. It turned out that the entrepreneurs behind The Infant Restaurant Critic were willing to compromis

"In view of climate change, I'd put all my money into ice cream, mineral water and weapons!"

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

"So, I'm going to live but my stocks are on life support?"

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

'Mr Hines, invest in two 'feel good' stocks, and call me in the morning.'

'I'm doing my bit got the planet by investing in biofuels. . . Mind you, the fact that they'll have to strip-mine South America for crop space may well put a few noses out of joint.'

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'

Money feeds tree of property

Investments: We have socially correct stocks, but 'wrong' usually pays better.

'And their financial E.K.G. shows that they are in excellent health.'

'I should've stayed the way I was. Now, I have to exercise, watch my cholesterol, and dodge this little pest called Cupid.'

"It seems to me it's a little unethical to recommend only ethical companies."

'Our social conscience fund invests in companies that don't do animal testing.'

'Shall we accept not-so-special interet money?'

'The top graph shows the patient's progress. The bottom one's the drug company's share price.'