Health-conscious Investors Gifts

'You can rest assured that our 'diet conscience' fund invests only in low-fat, low cholesterol food companies.'

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

A wiser and a better man

IOC and human rights.

Climate Crisis and the Banks

The Economy Discovers FFF!

"And you call yourself a socially-responsible investment portfolio!"

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'The diagnostic computer says it's in your financial best interest to invest in the companies whose drugs you take.'

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

'Excellent idea, Primrose...but will the public buy it?'

'To avoid any conflict, I've put my ethics in a blind trust.'

"In view of climate change, I'd put all my money into ice cream, mineral water and weapons!"

'If you want them balanced, it'll be an extra 250 dollars.'

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

"So, I'm going to live but my stocks are on life support?"

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

'Mr Hines, invest in two 'feel good' stocks, and call me in the morning.'

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'

Money feeds tree of property

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

'I'm doing my bit got the planet by investing in biofuels. . . Mind you, the fact that they'll have to strip-mine South America for crop space may well put a few noses out of joint.'

Investments: We have socially correct stocks, but 'wrong' usually pays better.

'And their financial E.K.G. shows that they are in excellent health.'

'Shall we accept not-so-special interet money?'

'Our social conscience fund invests in companies that don't do animal testing.'

Weight watchers

'More versatile than you think - the building is made of tofu.'

"It seems to me it's a little unethical to recommend only ethical companies."

'The top graph shows the patient's progress. The bottom one's the drug company's share price.'