Socially Conscious Investor Gifts

Investments: 'We now offer 'social conscience' funds and 'corporate ethics' funds'.

"And you call yourself a socially-responsible investment portfolio!"

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

"...and the asparagus this evening is delightful. It's been simmering all day in the tears of the poor."

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Stocks edged lower on the news there's more to life than the accumulation of material things..."

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

A wiser and a better man

IOC and human rights.

Climate Crisis and the Banks

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

'Do you mind if I take the rest of my session to get your input on investor psychology?'

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

'The diagnostic computer says it's in your financial best interest to invest in the companies whose drugs you take.'

'Excellent idea, Primrose...but will the public buy it?'

Statue of Christopher Columbus

'To avoid any conflict, I've put my ethics in a blind trust.'

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

'Mr Hines, invest in two 'feel good' stocks, and call me in the morning.'

'I'm doing my bit got the planet by investing in biofuels. . . Mind you, the fact that they'll have to strip-mine South America for crop space may well put a few noses out of joint.'

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

The NHS - 'I'm afraid years of neglect and abuse have left her in terminal decline.'

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'

Investments: We have socially correct stocks, but 'wrong' usually pays better.

'And their financial E.K.G. shows that they are in excellent health.'

'Our social conscience fund invests in companies that don't do animal testing.'

'The top graph shows the patient's progress. The bottom one's the drug company's share price.'

"It seems to me it's a little unethical to recommend only ethical companies."

'I can still remember the days when you had a social conscience'.

'It's not a spitoon. It's for scruples.'

"How can a fund that's loosing us money call itself socially responsible?"