Socially Conscious Trader Gifts

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

"...and the asparagus this evening is delightful. It's been simmering all day in the tears of the poor."

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

"And you call yourself a socially-responsible investment portfolio!"

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

Statue of Christopher Columbus

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

Amputee watches wealthy man who has a spare set of legs.

CEO slumber

'Last chance to give for next 400 yards.'

"Unfortunately, my holding on to tech-stocks was faith-based."

Democracy In Action

The NHS - 'I'm afraid years of neglect and abuse have left her in terminal decline.'

How to find gold.

Investments: We have socially correct stocks, but 'wrong' usually pays better.

'Bob, we know that you can do the job, even though you did exaggerate your resume.'

'We're forced to be more ethical since we can't afford the best lawyers.'

Bio Oil Co.

"I'll invest, but you must promise none of my money will go towards that Robert Mugabe."

Rebels without causes: Lorem ipsum, T.B.D., Insert slogan here

Investments: 'We now offer 'social conscience' funds and 'corporate ethics' funds'.

Big Society: 'Somebody should do something!'

'Don't you think you should get involved in some volunteer work, Bernie?'

"The top two drawers are for insurance purposes, the next two are accounts payable, and we let a homeless man named Lenny sleep in the bottom drawer at night.'"

A Daily Prescription for Politically-Correct Conspicuous Consumers.

'No! This is the office of FAIR trading!'

"Tell the public we don't want to hurt anyone. All we want is their money."

Online auction.

Heartless

"The Smiths have got more Ukrainians than us."

Sardines

"This is our top of the line coffee machine, from exploited child labourer direct to your cup."

Avoiding a Beggar

'I am so far out of touch with the needy that I don't even know where to find them.'