Prudent Investor Gifts

Sensible shoes.

Financial Prudence disappears.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

Saving for College.

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Stocks edged lower on the news there's more to life than the accumulation of material things..."

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

A wiser and a better man

IOC and human rights.

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

'Wasn't it about here, when you begrudgingly, decided to try my 'ridiculous' investment plan?'

"I crunched the numbers until cautiously opportunistic."

'Do you mind if I take the rest of my session to get your input on investor psychology?'

'But on the plus side, I felt better about owning a SUV as soon as I bought some oil stocks.'

'Excellent idea, Primrose...but will the public buy it?'

Elevator buttons read: Way Up/up/Down/Way Down.

At The Clown Bank.

'To avoid any conflict, I've put my ethics in a blind trust.'

"If you don't bury 10% of your bones, you'll have nothing when you retire."

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

They're rich but not in a glamorous way. They're Certificate of Deposit rich.

'I hope this reform really hurts!!'

"Looks very promising. Put us down for one half of one share."

"Call me a pie-in-the-sky idealist, but I've always found it important to invest with a firm that reflects my values!"

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

'Stocks took a dive when a top economist was overheard saying 'Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.''