Shrewd Investor Gifts

"I crunched the numbers until cautiously opportunistic."

Great Deal Of Fund: Investor.

The day the stock market went UP.

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Saving for College.

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Stocks edged lower on the news there's more to life than the accumulation of material things..."

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

A statue of a businessman in a park with an inscription that reads "Outperformed the market".

"Okay, it if makes you feel better...yes, I have stock in a banana company."

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

Markets and Marketabilityby Jane Austen

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Animal worries.

Wall Street: Panic, don't panic

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

Locally Grown Stocks, Farm Fresh CDs, Free Range Annuities.

"You should consider buying."

The last of the Mom and Pop brokerage houses

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'

Financial Prudence disappears.

'Investors Chronicle' "How do I know whether to buy it or not?"

'Do you mind if I take the rest of my session to get your input on investor psychology?'

"Don't put your money into stocks. Bury it!"

Elevator buttons read: Way Up/up/Down/Way Down.