Smart Investor Gifts

'Yes, I'd like to withdraw $200. And could you make that in smart money?'

The day the stock market went UP.

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Saving for College.

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Stocks edged lower on the news there's more to life than the accumulation of material things..."

August is corporate earnings restatement season.

A statue of a businessman in a park with an inscription that reads "Outperformed the market".

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

"Really? You'd like to be part of this?"

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

Graduating students asking for cash donations.

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'

Financial Prudence disappears.

"My fitbit keeps track of my calories burned while I chase yield on my stocktrading app."

"Oh, just sitting back and letting algorithms do all the stock trading."

"I crunched the numbers until cautiously opportunistic."

'I was trying to predict future market trends and the computer blew up!'

'Do you mind if I take the rest of my session to get your input on investor psychology?'

Elevator buttons read: Way Up/up/Down/Way Down.

'He runs a very successful hedge fund.'

'A 7 load? Do you think I was born yesterday? Oh, wait, I was.'

"We don't do that kind of cattle futures, ma'am. You want Madam Mystic down the street."

Charging to a 10,000 Dow?

"If you don't bury 10% of your bones, you'll have nothing when you retire."

Stock Market Psychology: 'Buy with the leftside of your brain, sell with the rightside!'

'May I have my allowance in gold bullion?'