Vows Enthusiast Pillows

"I'm sorry - till when do us part?"

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"...until death do you a favor."

Caution: ironic literal proverb ahead (fork in the road)

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

Irritable Vowel Syndrome: "EEEIIIOOOAAA AUUUEEE!!"

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

Wish upon a star (well it's worth a try).

A masked man serenading

"Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher. Lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses."

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

"Like they say, April lenders brings May spenders."

"For richer or poorer, in function and dysfunction,..."

"Don't even think about it."

"If he who hesitates is lost, why do we have to look before we leap?"

"I see, Mr. Pipkins, we're back on the bourbon and smoking through glazed doughnuts."

'Do you promise to love, honor, and kiss the bed covers goodbye?'

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

Heavenly voices.

'We think Rome was built at night sir, because last week you told us that Rome wasn't built in a day!'

'My mother always told me if it ain't broke, date it.'

See no evil, Hear No Evil, Speak no evil. . .

'Hey, the Preacher is talking about you Dad.'

"Well, apparently a mission statement and a value statement are not the same thing."

'Wait a minute -- Shouldn't you be saying something about 'If not completely satisfied'?'

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'It's always darkest just before Dawn.'

'I refuse to say 'Cross my heart and hope to die'.'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

'The longest journey beings with a single step.' Mao would have made great congressman!

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. I sickness and in health....I warned you these vows were extremely graphic."

"Some guys from the state board of medicine are here to see you."