Modern Vow Aficionado Pillows

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"...until death do you a favor."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"You said it—everybody heard you."

"For richer or poorer, in function and dysfunction,..."

Drones deliver gold, frankincense and myrrh to baby Jesus.

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

'Do you promise to love, honor, and kiss the bed covers goodbye?'

''Love, honor, and obey'? - This needs a REWRITE!'

'Wait a minute -- Shouldn't you be saying something about 'If not completely satisfied'?'

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. I sickness and in health....I warned you these vows were extremely graphic."

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

Marriage counsellor with 'Better' and 'Worse' desk trays.

'I usually don't do online dating.'

'I refuse to say 'Cross my heart and hope to die'.'

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'Don't I get to read the small print?'

'Glad you're still around. I thought you'd be an app by now.'

"… in sickness and in health, with no chance of parole for 25 years?"

'And do you Kevin, take, no arm twisting, please.'

Second marriage vows.

Furies 2.0

"I'm sorry - till when do us part?"

"Things have been pretty quiet around here since folks started worshipping online."

"Say, I like this show."

"Simply log on. . . Download the cashless app. . . connect to my bank. . . verify password. . . select currency. . . load augmented reality. . . and swipe a virtual penny into the. . . You forgot to make a wish darling - that's the fun part!"

'Do you, Isabel, promise to give it your best shot?'

Virginia Woolf.

"I remember when these two matched on Hinge, casually retweeted quips on Tweitter, lost each other for a bit, slid into Instagram DMs...and here we are at regular texting and marriage."