Voice Command Wizard T-Shirts

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

Piano Recital

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

Homo Zapiens

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

". . . so, all I really need to do is change one word."

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

"Siri meets Alexa" "What can I help you with?" "I'm sorry, I can't answer that."

Sports Radio in Crisis

This reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, is it true that most people need to improve their listening skills?" Sure, I enjoy the glistening hills.

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

Computer Music

'Your training will be the next five minutes watching my fingers move at the speed of light.'

A Meeting of Computer Buffs.

'This morning a rumor that we would buy the Arpex Corp drove our stock up $3. Around noon a rumor that Arpex would buy us drove it up another $3. And in the afternoon a rumor that wo have nothing to do with Arpex drove it up $3 more.'

The Art of Bantering!

Wordplay: Me.

"Miss. Wilcox, get me the coast."

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

Voice Recognition Software.

Telecommuting doesn't hold up well during team building trust exercises.

"Good morning - your neighbours have asked me to come and tune your piano."

"Let's see him get out of this sonata."

"And she's an interesting conversationalist, too."

The Town Tweeter

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

Computers. Tablets. Laptops. The model is entirely voice-activated. I've always wanted to tell a computer "off."

'Despite anosmia she fonded her penuche.'

'Why do I always get a teaching assistant whose pronunciation is awful?'

Cruel Pet Tricks

"My therapist says you have to at least meet me half way."

"Quick, how do you spell ‘anthropomorphize’?"

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.

Hank had been asleep for hours, but amazingly his clicker finger kept going.