Script Wizard T-Shirts

". . . so, all I really need to do is change one word."

"... but when the broadcasting company sent him $5,000 for his first script we laughed out of the other side of our mouths."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

Newton's Cradle Solar System

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

Gerald Ratner's return

'He will observe your text now...'

"Tom's writing has been going really well! He's written over 200,000 words. Now he just needs to work out what order to put them in!"

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

'When I registered for this class, in computer programming, nobody told me that it's all about converting caffeine into computer code.'

'Here comes the 64-bit local bus.'

"Making us more mobile friendly didn't mean letting the general public use our car park, Smithers."

"Do you have a link I can click on that removes me from all future conversations with you?"

"Reading social media, I almost miss grammar, spelling and punctuation"

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

This is Pandora, our new Content Manager.

'Yes, I'm very punctual. I always use commas and periods.'

"And for my next trick, an evidence-based strategy!"

"Before we decide that SEO is dead, can someone tell me what SEO is?"

Best Special Effects Award

'I think I set the security level, on my anti virus software, too high. Whenever I access anything it is automatically deleted.'

Progression of human writing, from chisled stone to computers until 2000 when the computer has blown up