Conversation Wizard T-Shirts

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

Oymoticons

"So, hw ws yr smmr?"

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Liife! Give my conversation Liife!"

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

Sports Radio in Crisis

"Do you have a link I can click on that removes me from all future conversations with you?"

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

No, boss, we still don't have an emoticon that says 'I'm laughing all the way to the bank.''

The Art of Bantering!

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

"Miss. Wilcox, get me the coast."

'Yes, a winky face is correcy...But in ancient times, the semicolon was actually used to separate archaic written devices know as 'complete sentences.''

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

"Let's save some time, shall we?... Yes, no, for about five years, since I was a small boy, yes, I can start on Monday. Thanks, bye."

'Why do I always get a teaching assistant whose pronunciation is awful?'

"And she's an interesting conversationalist, too."

The Town Tweeter

'Despite anosmia she fonded her penuche.'

The Tangents talk it over.

"My therapist says you have to at least meet me half way."

Coming Soon: The G.P.S. for Conversations

'You're entitled to one text message, 160 characters max, so you better make it count.'

"Be patient with Ed. You can skip his political harangue in 15 seconds and move right onto sports."

'Oh, that's my webcam. Probably should have mentioned that at the beginning.'

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

'I just got a hex message from Zelda.'

'Wait, someone just sent me a hex message.'

"People don't understand that alcoholism is a hazard of my profession!"

Scottish Dialect