Small Talk Wizard T-Shirts

The Art of Bantering!

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"Name your sources."

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

Sports Radio in Crisis

How to Do Small Talk??!!

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

This reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, is it true that most people need to improve their listening skills?" Sure, I enjoy the glistening hills.

'With this organ transplant, you may find yourself doing a lot of thinking with your heart,'

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

"So your successful fantasy novels are based on your own experiences....can you elaborate on that?"

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"Miss. Wilcox, get me the coast."

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

'This morning a rumor that we would buy the Arpex Corp drove our stock up $3. Around noon a rumor that Arpex would buy us drove it up another $3. And in the afternoon a rumor that wo have nothing to do with Arpex drove it up $3 more.'

"But I haven't finished explaining about dollar-cost-averaging." "Sorry, I didn't register for this course."

Develop Your Social Skills: Asking Questions is a Great Way to Keep a Conversation Going.

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

"Please try not to offer expert analysis."

"This big eraser? It's for graphic novels."

"And she's an interesting conversationalist, too."

"My therapist says you have to at least meet me half way."

'Why do I always get a teaching assistant whose pronunciation is awful?'

The Town Tweeter

'Despite anosmia she fonded her penuche.'

"What might you have written that I might say I've read?"

'I wonder if TED ever listens.'

"I find it a very good conversation starter."

Snail slow to react to an ant's joke.