Voice Coach Gifts

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

Teacher complaning he can't understand pupil in his course on 'Voice projection and pronunciation'

'They come as a pair Madam. The other one's his voice coach'.

"Who ever told you you could sing?"

"Can you do that with a southern accent?"

"I said, 'do you want vocal fry with that?'"

Reference Library. This is a roster of the best distance shouters in America. The "Yoo Hoo's Who's Who"!

'Hoarse play.'

"...Henry feels his telephone answering machine message lacks dynamic projection."

"I can't talk louder, I'm a little horse."

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

"Fortissimo! Breath control! Diaphragm! Again!"

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Harold, you've changed."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

Songbird.

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

"Siri meets Alexa" "What can I help you with?" "I'm sorry, I can't answer that."

"Let me know when you get tired of berries. We'll work on your people skills."

'She nitpicks all the time!'

It's more than a mike!

"Stop referring to you and me as 'we'!"

Tenors

"Go ahead. Tell me your troubles. I promise to say 'Awww' in all the right places."

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

Foundation for the Syntactically Challenged

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

An opera singer

"Alexa...order my shopping!"

"I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say...please...hold the applause!"