Singing Coach Gifts

'A little more practice and I'm sure you'll get it right.'

Singer's shadow covering it's ears.

"Fortissimo! Breath control! Diaphragm! Again!"

"That was utterly forgettable... I'd rather listen to fingernails on a blackboard."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

Songbird.

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

And this is a little ditty I wrote called 'the third quarters profit and loss account' ...Colin often wished that he'd followed his first love and taken up a career as a musician

"I can't talk louder, I'm a little horse."

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

Tenors

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

An opera singer

"I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say...please...hold the applause!"

Eddy's mom suggested that he do his speech on cue cards.

Pirate King

A singer being criticised

"Ambitions. . . To . . . Er. . . Um . . . Become. . . Er. . . Um. . . A. . . Er. . . Um . . . Motivational. . . Er. . . Um. . . Speaker."

"Very good, everyone. . . except I head that scream again. Ok, let's try it again from the top."

"Great set of pipes!"

"It took years of vocal training, but I now have a vocal range from squeaky right down to tenor..."

"Sure, I can help you improve your mating call: that's my specialty..."

Ella Fitzgerald

The Corus.

"Sopranos", "Tenors", "Basses"

'He's here to hit the high notes.'

'Uh-oh, here comes the mike again. Cut the barbershop quartet and go back to mournful whistling.'

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'