Visionary Diner Gifts

'These are my dieting glasses. They magnify the food so I think I'm eating more than I really am.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'How is the water prepared?'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"For drinks or dinner?"

Zagat Rated.

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"Fresh pepper?"

'Excellent cork, go ahead and pour.'

"The gods are distributing Chinese menus."

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

'Your tea is getting cold.'

'Oh boy, my favourite: Cheese Fondue...'

'You made me jump,'

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"It's made with real angel hair."

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

"The flounder's not bad, but it's you I'm nuts about."

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.

Cafe offers corn several ways.

'All right, I agree with you.'

"Siri, am I ready to take a look at the dessert menu?"