Visionary Diner T-Shirts

'These are my dieting glasses. They magnify the food so I think I'm eating more than I really am.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'How is the water prepared?'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"For drinks or dinner?"

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

"Fresh pepper?"

Zagat Rated.

'Excellent cork, go ahead and pour.'

'You made me jump,'

'This is not Hungarian stew.' 'We ran out of Hungarians.'

'Your tea is getting cold.'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"The gods are distributing Chinese menus."

"It's made with real angel hair."

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

'Oh boy, my favourite: Cheese Fondue...'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.

Did you slice this beef? You nearly missed.

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

Cafe offers corn several ways.

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

'All right, I agree with you.'

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'