Verbose Diner T-Shirts

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Bad for you but to die for

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

Non Thought For The Day.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

'The customer is always right...'

Zagat Rated.

"The Bluetooth Special comes with a side order of Wi-Fi."

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'I'll have the steak.' (Fish in tank start jumping for joy).

Gone out...here is a computer simulation of your dinner

"I am your bot server. Page me by phone and tip me in bitcoins."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

"It's made with real angel hair."

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"I'm not eating a TV dinner. Now it's called 'Computer Cuisine.'"

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"Dinner looks delicious."

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'

'And for the Queen of Whiny Eaters, two pieces of bologna, cut into quarter-inch squares, coated with Abe's Barbecue Sauce...'