Verbose Diner Gifts

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Bad for you but to die for

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

Non Thought For The Day.

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'The customer is always right...'

'Our special of the day is spam sandwiches.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Zagat Rated.

"The Bluetooth Special comes with a side order of Wi-Fi."

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'I'll have the steak.' (Fish in tank start jumping for joy).

Gone out...here is a computer simulation of your dinner

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

"It's made with real angel hair."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"I am your bot server. Page me by phone and tip me in bitcoins."

"I'm not eating a TV dinner. Now it's called 'Computer Cuisine.'"

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'

"Dinner looks delicious."

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."