Quirky Diner Explorer Gifts

'We only serve original recipes - made out of the finest whole cloth.'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'How is the water prepared?'

French Early Bird

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Platter confusion.

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chop

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Sushi Train Spotters

"Welcome to the French Quarter!"

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

If you think that's good, you should see the Pork Sabre!

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"Are you enjoying your escargot?"

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)