Quirky Diner Explorer Gifts

'We only serve original recipes - made out of the finest whole cloth.'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'How is the water prepared?'

French Early Bird

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chop

Platter confusion.

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'The customer is always right...'

Sushi Train Spotters

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"Welcome to the French Quarter!"

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

The first transatlantic communication.

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

If you think that's good, you should see the Pork Sabre!

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

Today: Tomato Surprise. Of course the tomato surprise doesn't impress you, sir … You’re not a tomato.

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

Sorry, that's probably one of mine.

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'