Quirky Dining Explorer Gifts

'This place hasn't been the same since violinist left.'

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chop

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

French Early Bird

Reserved space is reserved for a dinner table.

Platter confusion.

Cheese Secret

"Give him his food."

"Can I have a doggie bag to go?"

"I can highly recommend the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, served with a chilled glass of milk."

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

'How d'you want your eggs - down your pants, over your head...?'

Fast Food Restaurant

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

Our Troubled Chowders

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

Chernobyl Chow

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersize in a bucket?"

"Are you enjoying your escargot?"

Salad Hat

"And the insect du-jour, is that served in the soup or on the side?"

'Killing two birds with one stone...bacon coffee.'

"Can you suggest a nice Bordeaux that will complement the squirrel-infused manure?"

"Start Sucking!"

"Have you folks eaten here before, or shall I explain the concept?"

All our meals digest easily forming a soft, mushy stool with just a hint of acridity.

Todays Special: Beans on Toast #2.50 (use of tin-opener 10- extra. . .)

Spaceman serving shrimp.

Minnesota State Fair.

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans.' 'Now you don't.'

"My name's Aldred and I'll be your server this evening."

'Is anything O.K.?'

'It's not nouvelle cuisine, Monsieur. You've ordered from the children's menu.'