Virtual Mischief-maker Pillows

"It's an app that lets me pointlessly knock things off tables when I'm not at home."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Only a penny! A sensible and ingenious toy for children.

Newt sale

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

'How am I going to get all this back in the tube?'

'Guess what I'd like to see disappear next.'

"I've just discovered this brilliant new ingredients."

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

What have you done with the spare filter paper, please? I've made you a hat miss!

Son hacks into computer to get a job

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Very impressive. . . internet troll."

Frankie the discount genie

"No, no, no! My old 45 records do not belong in the craft box!"

"This is getting serious! He's asked me if I'd like to troll the internet with him tonight."

"Just think, in dog years we'd be old enough to know better!"

"As you can see, we allowed you to bring your cell phones; however, this is hell, so even local calls will be charged as roaming."

Aircraft accidentally hits a witch.

'Grandma says she has the perfect wrestler nickname for me. What does Tiny Terror mean?'

'No pennies.'

'Norman, why is it you're the one who always gets detention.'

"Tech support? Yeah, how do I add a 'Hate Me On Facebook' button to my website?"

Hackers looking to retire got welcome news this week.

'I just got off the phone with your teacher. Next time you tell her you're from a 'broken home' don't forget to mention who broke most of it!'

Tommy Cooper.

'-and leave the money in used notes in the left luggage department...'

'Glory be, but isn't it great to be in the doom and gloom business this year?'

'Sorry about that. My dog got a hold of my voodoo doll.'

Disinformation Highway.

"We met online after stealing each other's identities."

'Hey, Mom! -- You want to hear a dirty story?'

Quilp defies the dog