Internet Mischief Maker Pillows

Hackers looking to retire got welcome news this week.

Disinformation Highway.

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Newt sale

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

'Guess what I'd like to see disappear next.'

Less expensive equivalent.

Artist gets pooped on by lots of birds.

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'It's 10pm, does anyone know how much the U.S. dollar is worth?'

"Sending out 1300 redundancy notices by mistake was a bit of a blooper!"

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

What have you done with the spare filter paper, please? I've made you a hat miss!

'Good news! Your positives look negative.'

Son hacks into computer to get a job

"It's an app that lets me pointlessly knock things off tables when I'm not at home."

Frankie the discount genie

"Very impressive. . . internet troll."

'I realize it's a bit strange, sir, but due to the new health information privacy laws, none of us is allowed to know your identity.'

'I've got acid indigestion.'

'A second opinion would be appreciated only if confirms my opinion.'

"This is getting serious! He's asked me if I'd like to troll the internet with him tonight."

"Just think, in dog years we'd be old enough to know better!"

"As you can see, we allowed you to bring your cell phones; however, this is hell, so even local calls will be charged as roaming."

"No, no, no! My old 45 records do not belong in the craft box!"

"Do not feel bad - violence is acceptable when the purpose of the toy is its own destruction."

Aircraft accidentally hits a witch.

The Left One As You Look At It.

'No pennies.'

'The sport wasn't on your lung...It was on the x-ray...barbecue sauce...please sand by for an apology and a great explanation from my nurse...'

'Norman, why is it you're the one who always gets detention.'

"I'd like you to supply me with a urine, faeces and sperm sample Mr Brooks."

"Tech support? Yeah, how do I add a 'Hate Me On Facebook' button to my website?"