Message Mischief Maker Pillows

Forgot that the return key would actually send the text.

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

Newt sale

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Guess what I'd like to see disappear next.'

"I've just discovered this brilliant new ingredients."

Less expensive equivalent.

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

"Sending out 1300 redundancy notices by mistake was a bit of a blooper!"

'Good news! Your positives look negative.'

Son hacks into computer to get a job

People, come on, connect the dots...NOT THOSE DOTS!

"Do I make you nervous, young man?"

Frankie the discount genie

'I realize it's a bit strange, sir, but due to the new health information privacy laws, none of us is allowed to know your identity.'

'It wasn't an easy decision for me to make. Lots of coin tossing went into it.'

'If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.'

'I've got acid indigestion.'

'A second opinion would be appreciated only if confirms my opinion.'

"Just think, in dog years we'd be old enough to know better!"

"Do not feel bad - violence is acceptable when the purpose of the toy is its own destruction."

Aircraft accidentally hits a witch.

'Larry O Lawrence, stop initialing documents. No one respects a memo signed LOL.'

'I was...wong about that stock. I was wonk about that stock. I was wrung about that stock. I was...wronk about that stock. I was...'

The Left One As You Look At It.

'Norman, why is it you're the one who always gets detention.'

'No pennies.'

'The sport wasn't on your lung...It was on the x-ray...barbecue sauce...please sand by for an apology and a great explanation from my nurse...'

"I'd like you to supply me with a urine, faeces and sperm sample Mr Brooks."

"The meeting was cancelled after an outbreak of contagious giggling."

"Baldo, why is this music so loud?"

Tommy Cooper.

Hackers looking to retire got welcome news this week.

'I just got off the phone with your teacher. Next time you tell her you're from a 'broken home' don't forget to mention who broke most of it!'