Virtual Learning Warrior Gifts

'I've deleted my on-line homework teacher three times but he won't go away.'

"Remote teaching isn't good for torturing a substitute. For that you need a live audience."

"I guess it took a pandemic to make me realize school is better than trying to learn stuff online."

Nervous Oral Testing

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

"Someday, Sweetheart, you’ll look back on this day and think to yourself, ‘Covid ruined my college experience.’"

"This is not what I meant when I said you needed to practice your play fighting..."

"So kids, you got work from your teachers right?"

'So you still can't get a sound engineer then?'

"Camera not working."

"So. . . now we know - being home is not the same as being home to be schooled. . ."

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

'These online fantasy worlds are great fun. I can be ‘Dave the Accountant' from Birmingham.'

What brings you to therapy, Mr. Park? I'm stuck. Dr. Noodle. I'm paralyzed. I'm not making any progress. Honestly, I'm lost in the trees. I've lost sight of my goals. My health units are low. Units? Unseen enemies are everywhere. I can't sleep. I'm not eating. You're not making sense. Who am I kidding? You're right. The truth? Fine, I admit it. I can't get past level 5!!! I don't do video game counseling. If my mom loved me more, I'd be able to find more ammo.

"Oh, I'm okay. This is just my resting zoom face."

University Challenged

"I don't care if it is the most realistic World War II simulator game, I still refuse to salute you."

It's often meant as a compliment, but in this case saying he's "in a class by himself" is not a good thing.

"My day? Don't even get me started!"

"Sorry, no more room. What a shame, I’m the teacher."

"My eyes ache, that's enough zoom meetings and screentime for today."

Back to Zoom Savings

'How do you explain losing someone, Miss Marsh? It was a virtual field trip.'

"O.K. Kindergarten friends, let's sing together... 'If you're happy and you know it - and you've washed your hands for at least 20 seconds and you've squirted some sanitizer on them - clap your hands.'"

Homeschooling during lockdown

'If I didn't flunk something every once in a while, how would I ever learn anything?'

"What's wrong, Lassie? Did Timmy forget his remote learning login username and password again?"

"It might be easier for me to follow if you could animate the fractions."

The online exercise class was going rather well.

'Of course this game is educational; how else could I prepare for a zombie apocalypse.'

Breakout Room

"I think John is really getting into making remote teaching videos."

"I liked 'class dismissed' better than 'please log off and exit'."

"Come down and do your school work, you little beggar."

Since we started online classes, I've had to get through a long, slow lesson every day. Me too. I constantly have to teach my parents how to use technology.