Vintage Sitcoms Gifts

Victor Meldrew.

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

Before the Internet

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

Man hitting a TV and going out of focus himself.

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

W.C. Fields

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

'We've been trying to ease out Old Stoney as Payroll Coordinator.'

W.C.Fields

"Sadie, you were around in the sixties...was 'Mad Men' accurate?"

'Sir Steve Austin is here to see you.'

'We'll return to the evening news right after this message from the Three Stooges....'

"Congratulations, you've passed."

Marty Feldman

"When I said, 'Never bring a knife to a gunfight,' I figured the spoon and fork were also implied."

Here lies Andy Griffith, Just Plum Wore Out.

"Instant? In my day they used to make it from scratch."

'… the professor and Mary Ann, here on Gilligan's Isle.'

'The purple dinosaur fan thinks it's really funny that I watched Captain Kangaroo when I was a kid.'

'Don't tell me it's not a cyberattack. Every channel is showing 'I Love Lucy'.'

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

'Have you seen two men, messy looking, no shirts? They just escaped from the dungeon.'

'Hello, and welcome to Animals do the Funkiest Things.'

"Do you suppose I could enjoy 'Dynasty' without listening to an hour of suspender-snapping?"

Groucho Marx

'You're an arms salesman?'

'Mr. Churchill, you are drunk !' 'Yes Madam and you are ugly but tomorrow I shall be sober.'