Vintage Sitcom Aficionado Gifts

Sid James and Tony Hancock.

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

"Do you know any other songs besides the theme to The Andy Griffin Show?"

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

Man hitting a TV and going out of focus himself.

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

"They don't call them reruns anymore...they call them deja-views."

W.C. Fields

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

A man selling a horse to an older lady

'We've been trying to ease out Old Stoney as Payroll Coordinator.'

"This now concludes our broadcast day."

'We'll return to the evening news right after this message from the Three Stooges....'

W.C.Fields

Joan Collins

Thatcher's child

'Funny, it usually works OK after you've given it a hefty kick.'

Not what he meant.

"Congratulations, you've passed."

"When was this license issued?"

Mother Hubbard 2011

Phil Silvers: Spot the Difference

'Don't tell the Fuhrer I filled the war head with jellybabies, you know upset he gets.'

"What a pity! Mr Grogan took it on the lam not more than five minutes ago."

'He says he makes house calls, and he'll be over as soon as he gets his horse back from the blacksmith.'

'We now pause for technical difficulties....'

Groucho Marx

'Have you seen two men, messy looking, no shirts? They just escaped from the dungeon.'

"Instant? In my day they used to make it from scratch."