Veterinary Virtuoso Gifts

'This model is hard to get parts for.'

Lactose Intolerant

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

Young Dr. Dolittle.

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

"Hello, Pine Grove Elementary? Could you tell Miss Pritchard to come to Lakeview Veterinarian Clinic right away?"

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

"A CAT scan? Are you sure?"

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"Fill it up!"

"Whine and cheezed party."

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

'Must really be a terrible headache you've got there, Doctor.'

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

'No.... My cat doesn't like being given pills either...'

'Don't worry, my baser instincts are in a surgical waste bin in Hoboken.'

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

'Being a brilliant,inspiring teacher is NOT adequate, Hackwell....'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

'Yes, Jeb, they do resemble the cow's symptoms...'

'The hills are alive with the sound of moo-sick!'

'Peter it appears that you have an STD known as 'cottontail'.'

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

'I don't think we should have any more eggs Chester. Maybe you should see the vet about having your chicken nuggets removed.'

Dog wearing a cone around his waist: 'Hemorrhoids.'

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

'In a pig's eye, you say!'

'Good thing you called me... Yes, they've mixed worming powder with your food...'

Committee On Feline Healthcare

"I'm afraid it's curiosity."