Veterinary Virtuoso Gifts

'This model is hard to get parts for.'

Lactose Intolerant

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

"A CAT scan? Are you sure?"

"Fill it up!"

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

"Whine and cheezed party."

'Must really be a terrible headache you've got there, Doctor.'

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

'No.... My cat doesn't like being given pills either...'

'Don't worry, my baser instincts are in a surgical waste bin in Hoboken.'

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

'Being a brilliant,inspiring teacher is NOT adequate, Hackwell....'

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'Peter it appears that you have an STD known as 'cottontail'.'

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

'The hills are alive with the sound of moo-sick!'

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

'Yes, Jeb, they do resemble the cow's symptoms...'

'I don't think we should have any more eggs Chester. Maybe you should see the vet about having your chicken nuggets removed.'

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

'Good thing you called me... Yes, they've mixed worming powder with your food...'

'In a pig's eye, you say!'

Committee On Feline Healthcare

"I'm afraid it's curiosity."

'I think I'm going deaf - I can't hear the horse whisperer.'