Veterinary Procedure Gifts

"Bad news - you're going to be neutered."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

Lactose Intolerant

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

Haute Suture

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

'I know you're worried about Tibby, Mrs. Lutz, but we simply don't allow people to stay overnight with their pets.'

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

Should've been routine. That was before the dog called and offered to pay twice as much to have the master put down.

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

"Fill it up!"

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

Dog with saucepan stuck on its head

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"A CAT scan? Are you sure?"

Sign at vet's says 'Cat's waiting area'. Cat says to dog with head in cone: 'Oi, mate, can't you read?'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

'Now there's a vet that needs a holiday,'

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'