Veterinary Procedure Gifts

"Bad news - you're going to be neutered."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

Lactose Intolerant

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

Haute Suture

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

'I know you're worried about Tibby, Mrs. Lutz, but we simply don't allow people to stay overnight with their pets.'

Young Dr. Dolittle.

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

Should've been routine. That was before the dog called and offered to pay twice as much to have the master put down.

"Hello, Pine Grove Elementary? Could you tell Miss Pritchard to come to Lakeview Veterinarian Clinic right away?"

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"Fill it up!"

Dog with saucepan stuck on its head

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"A CAT scan? Are you sure?"

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

Sign at vet's says 'Cat's waiting area'. Cat says to dog with head in cone: 'Oi, mate, can't you read?'

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

'Now there's a vet that needs a holiday,'