Animal Surgery Gifts

'The necropsy was a success...but the patient lived!'

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"We're just going to have to face the fact that you're not a puppy anymore!"

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

Why can't you just chew the squeaker out like normal dogs?

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

"Odd, since neither of us overfeeds her by even the smallest amount."

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

"Now turn your head and bark."

'If it doesn't itch, why worry?'

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

'Where's my glove?'

'Okay, I see it now...lame in the third hind leg on the left side!'

'Yes, the baby should arrive soon: Her nesting instinct is in overdrive!'

'What's founder?'

'Don't worry, my baser instincts are in a surgical waste bin in Hoboken.'

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

"I'm afraid, Mr. Cottontail, that all that hopping down the bunny trail has taken a toll on your hips."

'You're hired as far as I'm concerned Edwin! And look at these guys?...They seem to really like you!...You're a natural!'

Conspiracy Cat

'...and now, Doctor, if you have satisfactorily disinfected your hands,...

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'Yessir, I just finished my first spay...but how did you know?'

'Do you mind if I take a few pictures, Bill?

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

'I always take what he says with a grain of salt...

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"We're just going for a routine checkup ... they only do that operation once."

'It's a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. I had it specially made for my hospital.'

"His tests show he has a latex allergy."