Animal Doctor Gifts

"Good news—it's not colon cancer, it's tinsel."

'I KNOW how to handle the unpredictable, unreliable, undesirable PATIENTS, it's the PEOPLE.'

Veterinarian putting whiskers on cat, titled 'The Cat Whiskerer'.

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'...sheep apneoa by the looks of it...'

"I'm their pet. They love me. They'll do anything for me. They cut my balls off."

'There you are, now you'll only have to lick the jar.'

'How come our pets are the sorriest looking in town?'

Vet checks fish's heartbeat with a stethoscope through fish bowl.

"Lay off the water."

'No, I'm sorry. I'm Doctor Ford and I do the large animal work....'

'The vet did it.'

'Who told you you couldn't change your spots Miss Leopards? Of course you can...'

"Roll over ... "

'Ta dum deedee dum -- DUM -- Bloop -- Fsst, tra la,,,'

'Hello? Am I at the office? Certainly I am. I sleep on the operating table!'

"But You Knew I Was An Animal Doctor!"

"Take this as directed and come back in a week"

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

'Worst case of Prickly-Heat I've ever seen!'

'You ain't drunk. That's Dr. Fudd the veterinarian.'

"I admit I haven't treated many possums, but I suspect he's just faking it."

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

"We had him neutered,"

"He's so old I usually let him do what he wants."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

An inbred poodle.

"It's your hearth."

"I'm certain it's just an avian head cold."

"As a veterinarian, Martin cant go anywhere without having someone ask for free advice."

"In my practice, I prefer to treat the whole hog."

"May I keep my collar on?"

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

'No.... My cat doesn't like being given pills either...'

"Who's got excellent kidney function, according to this most recent round of tests? You do! Yes, you do!"