Animal Practitioner Gifts

'I KNOW this is insect repellent and not after-shave lotion.'

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

'If it doesn't itch, why worry?'

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

"Rescue someone; rescue yourself"

'What's founder?'

'I wonder how long he's been a vet?'

'I'm sure he thinks he's a parrot!'

An inbred poodle.

'Ta dum deedee dum -- DUM -- Bloop -- Fsst, tra la,,,'

"I've seen this before. Keep his head inside the car when the vehicle is in motion."

"Would you say the pain is more like a me-ow or a me-ouch?"

Committee On Feline Healthcare

'Animal Psychiatrist' (a dog).

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

"Good news—it's not colon cancer, it's tinsel."

'Well yes, we lost, but you asked me if I was a Legal Eagle, not if I was a good lawyer...'

'Doc, I'm plagued with eggeating snakes!'

"You really are one hell of a therapy dog."

'Worst case of Prickly-Heat I've ever seen!'

"May I keep my collar on?"

'Now tell me about your puppyhood.'

'His jaw got stuck when he tried to fetch the Sunday paper!'

"He's so old I usually let him do what he wants."

Balding dog

'Relax, you are in doggy heaven. I'm just from a temp service.'

'I had my vet put down. He was over 23!'

'$200 for bladder stones? NOW I know what they meant by 'precious stones'!'

'I thought you knew I was a small animal doctor.'

'Say, Doc, I'll need more of that steroid stuff for old King. He's still kind of peaked. Must need some heavy doses."

"In my practice, I prefer to treat the whole hog."