Animal Practitioner Gifts

'I KNOW this is insect repellent and not after-shave lotion.'

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

'If it doesn't itch, why worry?'

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

"Rescue someone; rescue yourself"

'What's founder?'

'I wonder how long he's been a vet?'

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

An inbred poodle.

"Would you say the pain is more like a me-ow or a me-ouch?"

'Ta dum deedee dum -- DUM -- Bloop -- Fsst, tra la,,,'

'Animal Psychiatrist' (a dog).

Committee On Feline Healthcare

"I've seen this before. Keep his head inside the car when the vehicle is in motion."

'I'm sure he thinks he's a parrot!'

"Good news—it's not colon cancer, it's tinsel."

'Well yes, we lost, but you asked me if I was a Legal Eagle, not if I was a good lawyer...'

"He's so old I usually let him do what he wants."

'Worst case of Prickly-Heat I've ever seen!'

'His jaw got stuck when he tried to fetch the Sunday paper!'

"You really are one hell of a therapy dog."

"May I keep my collar on?"

'Now tell me about your puppyhood.'

'Doc, I'm plagued with eggeating snakes!'

Balding dog

'Relax, you are in doggy heaven. I'm just from a temp service.'

'I had my vet put down. He was over 23!'

"In my practice, I prefer to treat the whole hog."

'Say, Doc, I'll need more of that steroid stuff for old King. He's still kind of peaked. Must need some heavy doses."

'I thought you knew I was a small animal doctor.'