Animal Therapist Gifts

'Come back, you fools! That's just a myth! We lemmings don't really do that!'

'I thought you were getting alternative therapy today...'

"Rescue someone; rescue yourself"

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

'I did, he told me to get off of the couch.'

'What therapy can't solve, the properly timed dog biscuit can.'

'I'm sure he thinks he's a parrot!'

'The elephant in the room at the moment is that we have no elephants.'

'Now tell me about your puppyhood.'

"The vet said his depression is due to directing hostile ambivalent feelings of loss toward the self...but that's the Freudian view."

"And you need to control distemper of yours."

"I'm afraid you can't divorce your cat just because you say she doesn't meet your emotional needs."

"Guard dog? That sounds easy! Try being a companion dog, it's exhausting: you have to find new ways to entertain them all the time..."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."

"You won’t find a more effective antidepressant."

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

"The patient in 12-C needs comforting."

But it's the other leg that hurts.

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

"But why can't I bring him to class? He's my therapy toad!"

"It's nice to be wanted."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

"He never sniffs my butt anymore."

So You Finally Caught Your Tail

"Have you got one that's a bit more pessimistic?"

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.