Pet Therapist Gifts

"Well, I think you're wonderful."

"They moved my bowl."

"It's nice to be wanted."

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"God, they're needy."

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."

'Does the Betty Ford clinic treat sunflower seed addiction?'

"I like having my head scratched but what I really love is deep tissue massage."

"Have you got one that's a bit more pessimistic?"

"I wish I could get him to relax."

"And if this prescription doesn't work, see if you can get someone to rub your belly. That always make me feel better."

So You Finally Caught Your Tail

But it's the other leg that hurts.

"Roll in the garbage and hop up on the sofa. Someone will be with you shortly."

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Has anyone seen my book on pet psychology?'

'See what I mean, Doc?'

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

"I actually like my owners and don't want to wreck their furniture. I come when I'm called. I even cuddle with them. What's wrong with me? Am I losing it?"

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"He never sniffs my butt anymore."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Licensed Therapist

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."