Animal Clinic Professional Gifts

Balding dog

"We can see through the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere and into all those distant stars up there in outer space... truly remarkable, huh, girl?"

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

Dog Walking Services

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

Sign at vet's says 'Cat's waiting area'. Cat says to dog with head in cone: 'Oi, mate, can't you read?'

"Man! That squirrel was jacked!"

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

'No.... My cat doesn't like being given pills either...'

Dog with toilet IV

'I wonder how long he's been a vet?'

'It's a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. I had it specially made for my hospital.'

"Would you say the pain is more like a me-ow or a me-ouch?"

'Ta dum deedee dum -- DUM -- Bloop -- Fsst, tra la,,,'

Committee On Feline Healthcare

An inbred poodle.

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

'You want to stick that thermometer where?'

"Good news—it's not colon cancer, it's tinsel."

"May I keep my collar on?"

'To put it in simple English, all you have to do is put a few drops...

"He's so old I usually let him do what he wants."

"The cat walking business didn't go anywhere! Neither did we."

'His jaw got stuck when he tried to fetch the Sunday paper!'

'The nice thing about group practice is that two minds are better than one.'

'I must smell more.'

'Worst case of Prickly-Heat I've ever seen!'

'Now that I'm retired, I have time for state and national meetings, but I no longer need the information.'

'Adrian wants to be a vet when he grows up!'

'Relax, you are in doggy heaven. I'm just from a temp service.'

'Sorry. We just assumed that since you were picking up his waste, he was the intelligent life form.'

'First we treat! Then we'll worry about a diagnosis!'

'I had my vet put down. He was over 23!'