Animal Expert Gifts

'Duck.'

Maynard Wilson - "The Bull Whisperer"

'Junior! Get down from there! You're not arboreal!'

Ophiologist

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

Bears catching fish

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'Oh don't worry, we had him defanged.'

'Our family has a dry sense of humor, and we don't laugh that much.'

'We call these supernumerary teats!'

'Aw,hunting season is a cleansing time. A time to forget about my worries...'

Caliologist

'Do you mind if I take a few pictures, Bill?

'I wonder how long he's been a vet?'

'Will you stop! You know that freaks me out!'

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

'Ta dum deedee dum -- DUM -- Bloop -- Fsst, tra la,,,'

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

'Most dogs chase cars, Sally but mine is into them!'

An inbred poodle.

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

Sportscasters on the Savannah

"Good news—it's not colon cancer, it's tinsel."

"Wait! Maybe they aren't just awesome bunk beds with cheese pillows!"

"May I keep my collar on?"

"He's so old I usually let him do what he wants."

'It's that bloody David Attenborough! It looks like one of us is about to die a gruesome, yet visually stunning death.'

'That's right, the Princess kissed me by mistake: She didn't know the difference between a frog and a toad...'

'Worst case of Prickly-Heat I've ever seen!'

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

"In my practice, I prefer to treat the whole hog."

'...windpuffs in front and a capped hock on the right rear...'

'I Egret that I will have to decline.'