Animal Expert Gifts

'Duck.'

Maynard Wilson - "The Bull Whisperer"

'Junior! Get down from there! You're not arboreal!'

Ophiologist

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

Bears catching fish

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'Don't worry about getting lost, folks. These trails are all well marked. . . if I do say so myself.'

'Oh don't worry, we had him defanged.'

'Our family has a dry sense of humor, and we don't laugh that much.'

'We call these supernumerary teats!'

Caliologist

'Aw,hunting season is a cleansing time. A time to forget about my worries...'

'I wonder how long he's been a vet?'

'Do you mind if I take a few pictures, Bill?

'Will you stop! You know that freaks me out!'

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

'Ta dum deedee dum -- DUM -- Bloop -- Fsst, tra la,,,'

An inbred poodle.

'Most dogs chase cars, Sally but mine is into them!'

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"

Sportscasters on the Savannah

"Good news—it's not colon cancer, it's tinsel."

"Wait! Maybe they aren't just awesome bunk beds with cheese pillows!"

"May I keep my collar on?"

"He's so old I usually let him do what he wants."

'It's that bloody David Attenborough! It looks like one of us is about to die a gruesome, yet visually stunning death.'

Tonight's Debate. Nature versus Nurture. You believe in heredity over environment? Yep --- I was just born that way.

'That's right, the Princess kissed me by mistake: She didn't know the difference between a frog and a toad...'

'Worst case of Prickly-Heat I've ever seen!'

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

Zoo Psychological Center. We had a good group session today. The cougar talked about her trouble having a romantic relationship with someone her own age. The wolf opened up about wearing sheep's clothing. And we all assured the newt that an identity crisis is common among amphibians. The gorilla is having a tough day so he's staying for an individual session. There's nothing wrong with you ... a lot of people tend to ignore 800-pound gorillas.