Veterinary Comedy Gifts

A classic case of 'Cow-Worm'.

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"Fuhgettaboutit, Charley. Ya been fixed."

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

Committee On Feline Healthcare

'If you had asked me I could have TOLD you that he bites.'

'Hey, I just mopped the yard.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

"There are some things medical science cannot explain...like where the hell our health care system is heading."

'When you said I had to come in for a scan, this isn't what I had in mind.'

'Sure you can have another opinion but I still say you are a fat pig.'

"I'm going to have to draw some blood."

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

' 'Peppermint thumb' is one of our toughest cases to cure.'

Of course you're feeling disgruntled. You've lost your voice.

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

"Please note nurse: healthy baby, next appointment in two weeks..."

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory'

'Let's do the Good Dog, Bad Dog routine.'

'James Herriot would never say a thing like that!'

"It's for his shakes."