Veterinary Comedy Gifts

A classic case of 'Cow-Worm'.

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"Fuhgettaboutit, Charley. Ya been fixed."

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

Dog wearing a cone around his waist: 'Hemorrhoids.'

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

Committee On Feline Healthcare

Doctors often have to reassure the worried well.

'Hey, I just mopped the yard.'

'If you had asked me I could have TOLD you that he bites.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet.

"There are some things medical science cannot explain...like where the hell our health care system is heading."

'When you said I had to come in for a scan, this isn't what I had in mind.'

'Sure you can have another opinion but I still say you are a fat pig.'

' 'Peppermint thumb' is one of our toughest cases to cure.'

"I'm going to have to draw some blood."

According to your chart, your leg is a pre-existing condition, Mr. Fusco. My entire body is a pre-existing condition, Doctor. (This cartoon was originally published on 2010-08-12).

"I'm afraid it's your suit...you're suffering from batnipple."

'Let's do the Good Dog, Bad Dog routine.'

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

"Please note nurse: healthy baby, next appointment in two weeks..."

Of course you're feeling disgruntled. You've lost your voice.

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory'

'James Herriot would never say a thing like that!'