Veteran Scribe Gifts

'How long have you been submitting novels, Grandad?'

I should be a writer when I grow up...

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

"It's publish or perish, and he hasn't published."

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

Waiting Room For Godot.

"Tests! That's one thing I don't like about the end of school. I can't believe it! You're not finished studying, either?"

'I still write all my novels longhand.'

'We have the ideas for product placement and now all we need is the script.'

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

And I got an honorary Purple Heart for sticking myself with one of my flag pins.

Monks form copier service.

"First, let me begin by admitting that the unexpected and rather brazen theft of our teleprompter has left me somewhat speechless."

'It's not his name - It's what he does all the time.'

'Your story is extremely sexist, dubious and dumb, the characters are one-dimensional and primitive. In other words - you wrote a bestseller, mister!'

"I like to be disciplined about my writing, sharpening my pencils and organising my desk in the morning which leaves me time for writers block after lunch and a nervous breakdown in the evening."

"Polishing my mouse just doesn't have the same calming effect as sharpening my pencil."

Writing a letter

"Philosopical argument needs an elephant in the room. Can you handle it, sweetie?"

'I'm afraid Raymond waited a bit to long to write his memoirs.'

"Who knew they had interns in the Hoover administration."

'You know it takes time to write a novel.'

'Wait till you meet him, Mom! He reads books, has a checking account, and can even write script!'

The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

City Bank

'Put it in writing!'