Vehicle Protector Gifts

"This is our loudest alarm, guaranteed to go off if any motorcycle comes within 200 yards of your parked car."

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"I see you've security marked your property."

"Well, what number sunscreen are you using?"

'If you're not over-protective of your new SUV, then why on earth would you bring it way out here on our hunting trip?'

Yo$mite National Park and Delware North Corporate Greed

"I like to think of myself as a vital link in the homeland-security system."

'Aaaga! I'm melting! I'm melting!'

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

'Hello, security.'

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"The Johnsons finally get around to child-proofing their home."

'Do you have anything that gets rid of unwanted salesmen?'

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

"My client is being more than fair. She is willing to let you keep all the shoes and the house."

Super hero enforces handicapped parking law.

While you were out

Tred carefully mill.

'Use it as an end table or, if you want, fold it out to be a fully functional anti-aircraft gun.'

'Triple your money back! 100% effective against pesticide resistant insects! Guaranteed!

"Oh, for heaven's sake. Use the spray!"

"Good defenses make good neighbors."

'I'd love to tell who did it, but I'm protecting my source.'

'Look out!! My wife is going to hit your with my new 2-iron!'

Oh, sorry, I just love that new car owner smell.

"Sorry, but until I update the antivirus software, I want to be sure you don't click on any attachments again."

Selling Home Security Systems.

"You should've called me sooner!"

"Beware of owner."

Beware of the Dog.

"This? Oh it's to catch cyclists who ride on the pavement."

Man installing a burglar alarm,

"He got kicked out of the park for being a litter bug."

Beware of the Dog - Leaping Over Fence

'It worked!'