Vehicle Protector T-Shirts

"This is our loudest alarm, guaranteed to go off if any motorcycle comes within 200 yards of your parked car."

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"I see you've security marked your property."

"Well, what number sunscreen are you using?"

'If you're not over-protective of your new SUV, then why on earth would you bring it way out here on our hunting trip?'

"I like to think of myself as a vital link in the homeland-security system."

'Aaaga! I'm melting! I'm melting!'

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'Hello, security.'

"The Johnsons finally get around to child-proofing their home."

'Do you have anything that gets rid of unwanted salesmen?'

Super hero enforces handicapped parking law.

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

'Triple your money back! 100% effective against pesticide resistant insects! Guaranteed!

Tred carefully mill.

'Use it as an end table or, if you want, fold it out to be a fully functional anti-aircraft gun.'

While you were out

"Oh, for heaven's sake. Use the spray!"

"Good defenses make good neighbors."

'Look out!! My wife is going to hit your with my new 2-iron!'

"Sorry, but until I update the antivirus software, I want to be sure you don't click on any attachments again."

'I'd love to tell who did it, but I'm protecting my source.'

Selling Home Security Systems.

"You should've called me sooner!"

"Beware of owner."

Beware of the Dog - Leaping Over Fence

"He got kicked out of the park for being a litter bug."

Gummy Bears

"This? Oh it's to catch cyclists who ride on the pavement."

'It worked!'

Man installing a burglar alarm,

Beware of the Dog.