Vegan Vagabond Gifts

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"States of tofu"

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

Addicted to Facebook...lost internet connection.

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'They say you have to drink 4 times as much merlot as pinot noir to get the same level of anti-oxidants. Isn't that just too, too bad?'

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"Hmm...any dietary restrictions?"

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

Dale regretted going to the Vegan restaurant.

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

I guess I outta take science classes if I'm really going to help the environment. What for? You want to be a famous actress

"In the near future climate change will cause huge disasters!. . . And if nature dares to disappoint me, I'll throw the packaging of my vegan burger into the bushes!"

Zebra to lion: 'Is this a good time to talk to you about the sanctity of life?'

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

'The brochure says their wines are distinctive. I think I know why.'

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

Poet's Corner

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

"It's amazing what they can do with soy, but it's just not the same."

'That IS the chef's surprise, sir -- the pork chops are really tofu.'

"Can we be seated under a vegan painting?"

"This jury finds the accused not guilty provided he tells us where he has hidden the money."

Great Urban Sprawl

"Virgin?! My bad. . . I thought you asked for a vegan."

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

Vegan Insomnia

"All I'm saying, Dear, is that sometimes I get tired of vegetarian restaurants!"

Tofu: Firm, Soft, Amusingly Jiggly

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

Woolly tofu.

"Today a protest at the White House..."

"Twice a week I eat nothing but fruit."