Valentine's Skeptic Gifts

February

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

'I'm looking for a card that says if I didn't get you this, I'd never hear the end of it.'

'If I inspired this love peom, how come it's written on the back of a Hooters' napkin?'

Cupid misses his shot.

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'I got you 10 roses. I believe strong relationships are based on the metric system.'

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

'Love gets the credit, but business makes the world go round.'

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

Yes, but.

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

Valentines Love Hearts - Covid 19 edition.

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

Cupid's Valentine

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

'No wonder the divorce rate is so high!'

"I never knew what love was until you came along and explained it to me."

Second Thoughts Wedding

"It would never work out- we're from two totally different tiers of the upper middle class."

"You have zero empathy, Carlton. And I can't even begin to imagine what that's like."