Vain Vanity Voyagers Gifts

"Welcome to Vanity Workshop. For the next thousand years you're to read out the size labels you've removed from your clothing."

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

'The mask?... Oh, I always try to obscure my face a little, at parties. Just to give the other guys a fighting chance.'

Poetry in motion - Runners quoting poems as they jog.

The Wet Fly Fisherman: He is less vain about his appearance.

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

Ted Hughes

"It's a hybrid!"

If poets wrote road signs.

Poetry Reading. Physics Lecture. Which'll it be -- rhyme or reason?

Beachcomber sees that smartphone displays 'message in a bottle.'

"Wine is plant-based food."

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

'Move? Are you kidding? With the wines the guy next door collects?'

Welcome to a Sleepy Little Town - name available on request.

"If working 12 hours a day in a winery is making you crazy, get a hobby - like making homemade wine."

"It's an agreeable little wine."

Toupee in a tin.

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

"I will avenge the underdone fish that ruined my dinner if it's the last thing I ever do."

Winery tours.

"Ask not for whom the refrigerator hums..."

Easy Riders Of The Old West.

"All in favor of toupees, say aye."

Larry Was Into Fine Wines.

'Milking' the Wine Barrel.

The casual selfie

'The merlot is 100 merlot; the pinot noir is 100 pinot noir, and the chardonnay is 100 Swiss chard.'

'You said you wanted a book on how to enjoy wine. This is the only 'book' you need.'

'I wrote a wine book this thick because I intend to hit my biggest critic over the head with it.'

The pilgrimage begins