Vain Vanity Voyagers T-Shirts

"Welcome to Vanity Workshop. For the next thousand years you're to read out the size labels you've removed from your clothing."

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

'The mask?... Oh, I always try to obscure my face a little, at parties. Just to give the other guys a fighting chance.'

The Wet Fly Fisherman: He is less vain about his appearance.

Poetry in motion - Runners quoting poems as they jog.

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

"It's a hybrid!"

If poets wrote road signs.

Beachcomber sees that smartphone displays 'message in a bottle.'

"Wine is plant-based food."

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

Welcome to a Sleepy Little Town - name available on request.

'Move? Are you kidding? With the wines the guy next door collects?'

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

"If working 12 hours a day in a winery is making you crazy, get a hobby - like making homemade wine."

Toupee in a tin.

"It's an agreeable little wine."

Winery tours.

"Ask not for whom the refrigerator hums..."

Easy Riders Of The Old West.

"All in favor of toupees, say aye."

Larry Was Into Fine Wines.

'Milking' the Wine Barrel.

The casual selfie

'The merlot is 100 merlot; the pinot noir is 100 pinot noir, and the chardonnay is 100 Swiss chard.'

'You said you wanted a book on how to enjoy wine. This is the only 'book' you need.'

'I wrote a wine book this thick because I intend to hit my biggest critic over the head with it.'

The pilgrimage begins

'Thank goodness the FDA now requires us to number each grape. We were almost caught up around here.'