Urban Storyteller Gifts

'STILL working with all those family allowances?'

"This is nothing. You should have been with us last year at Fifty-third and Lex."

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

"I'm going to read a statement and then I'll take questions.''

'I've got writer's block.'

'Let's find out what the man on the doorstep thinks.' '&^%$?(*!'

A Street-less person in a house.

Homeless man is tickled from under a grate.

I Spoke Out On The Issues - Please Help.

"Still a freelance journalist?"

A sign reading 'Wrong side of the street (A subdivision of the bad side of town)'.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

"You're about to learn what New York hot dogs are made from."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Mother changing the words to 'this little piggy' to be more healthy

"A homeless person ate my homework."

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

Men dancing

"Start with a Spanish doubloon. Those are always good."

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"

'Who else have I written for? Ridge Park Avenue, 7th Street, Elm Road, Thornwood Drive...'

Crafty Beer: "I'm making a scrapbook of when you were still fermenting."

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10