Street-side Storyteller Gifts

"Harold, it's another door to door salesman."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"You dropped yer wallet."

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

Pavement Artist

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"I'm going to read a statement and then I'll take questions.''

'Honey, it's not the Feds. It's the pseudo-feds.'

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

'Not only do you need a good dish to win on this cooking show, you need a good story!'

Mega Construction Company: Paving Paradise and Putting Up Parking Lots for Over 50 Years. Deal with it.

"Welcome to the neighbourhood. I hope you like savory pies."

"This is nothing. You should have been with us last year at Fifty-third and Lex."

"Still a freelance journalist?"

It was a nice neighborhood untill the A-holes moved in.

John Updike.

"Okay, okay - I'll keep my day job!"

"This next song's about our desperate struggle to please and chronic craving for approval. I really, really hope you like it."

'It's a rags-to- riches story. You should take the company tour.'

I Spoke Out On The Issues - Please Help.

Support your local bookstore

statue in park: 'Arnold P. Rossiter, a local boy who went to the big city and made it big... and now he's back home, flipping burgers, just like we always said he would.'

Hadleyville Has-Beens

Boarding House Kitchen

"Hello Billy, how is your mother?"

The Mormons

"With city rents stratospheric the filing cabinet is all she could afford!"

Superhero Selfie

Mark and Gwyneth had a dark secret. At night, once the curtains were closed to the suburban world outside, the facade they put up to the neighbours was revealed to be 100 genuine...they were totally boring.

Did you know that suburban white males have over 100 words for lawn?

"It's said that if you hold them up to your ear, you’ll hear the sound of trash trucks."