Urban Detective T-Shirts

Fake beggar.

"Apparently, our self-driving car is angry. It sent me a text saying it got tired of looking for a parking spot, so it went home."

A boy acting suspiciously

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

"The end of my favorite series is near."

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Domestic Spying Drones

"The camera is mounted on your desk for a reason. There's been some paperclips missing, and we think you're the culprit."

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of "CSI: Miami" to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45pm? The Youtube generation grows up fast.

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

When the Job Market Shifts, Always Remember That It's All Your Fault

Undercover Biophysicists

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

The world of surveillance.

'We don't have anyone here by that name. Was he perhaps using one of his aliases?'

'Harlow, do you wnat to be part of the problem or part of the coverup?'

'I understand about strangers, but is it okay to take candy from Federal agents?'

"Find out who put a 100 dollar bill in the suggestion box. This person has potential!"

"We think we've found the murder weapon Sir"

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

'Daddy, why is that man wearing a blank T-shirt?'

Excessive Paperwork

'I am unable to find the words to respond to that.'

'You're an inspector now?'

'With all those presents Santa carries, do you think he packs heat? . . . And maybe he's not really fat, but he's wearing a kevlar vest.'

"If you look at Lexington Avenue, it is anyone's guess what's happening on the 6 train. Moving on to Broadway, I can tell you that the N and R Lines may or may not be running smoothly, while the Eighth Avenue A and C are, as always, a complete mystery."

"Hmmm...this'll be a tough one..."

"This is too hard, but I'd recognize him on his own."

Drones/Shops/Car Park/Cathedral

New York City Santa with huge bag hails cab.

Yesterday you lost your sheep and suddenly, today, Mary next door has a little lamb... Pretty big coincidence is all I'm sayin'.

I thought you might want to color it in. Color chalk. 1 1 1 2 1 1 4 4 5 5

'Good afternoon madam, we're Federal Bear Investigators. We believe a miss Goldilocks lives here?'

Anthropologist presenting his findings in New York City