City Sleuth T-Shirts

New York City Santa with huge bag hails cab.

"If you look at Lexington Avenue, it is anyone's guess what's happening on the 6 train. Moving on to Broadway, I can tell you that the N and R Lines may or may not be running smoothly, while the Eighth Avenue A and C are, as always, a complete mystery."

'Madre Mia! Somebody has beaten us to it!'

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

$1: Family Secrets

The city of San Francisco switches from cable cars to satellite dish at a cost of only $79.99 a month for the first six months.

CIA. Office of Disinformation. Please Use Other Door.

The Modern Godot

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

"I'm majoring in Communications with a minor in Leaking!"

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

'And what if I did doctor the documents? I'm a doctor.'

'Nice try buddy, but we know the score. You were involved, but you only played a small part. What we want to know is who orchestrated this thing.'

"We do have an opening for a whistleblower, but it's only a temporary position."

'Remember, all these security cameras are for YOUR protection...otherwise, I'd come over there and smack you.'

"Just sniff around – see what you can find out."

'I don't get it, the company's made money, but I don't see any.'

"After viewing the video footage, it wasn't the dog making the mess, after all..."

F.B.I. An equal opportunity phone tapper without regard to race, sex, or national origin.

'Sure, I can reprogram your microchip if you want to change your identity...'

Business Intelligence Unit.

"So we figured why explore Mars when, closer to home, there's still so much we don't know about the Petersens."

"So what can you tell us about this escaped master of disguise, John?"

Six Degrees of Depradation

"Actually those missing four yeas I was working here under a different name."

'Sir, we need your passport, driver's license, and Facebook name!'

"We didn't realize the CCTV footage was doctored until our precinct fanboy found a continuity mistake."

Trainspotter spotting: 'Gosh! A type 406 with original thermos.'

'...But in case God misses something...'

"People are scum."

Suburban Sightseers

Even with the new freedom of information act I can't tell you if that woman at number 28 is really only 76...

'I am the 'fly on the wall' you speak of. What would you like to know?'

Fake beggar.