Suburban Sleuth T-Shirts

"So we figured why explore Mars when, closer to home, there's still so much we don't know about the Petersens."

Ever since he started working flex time the neighbors kept a close eye on him.

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

'Alone for the weekend at last!'

Paranormal A-Z...

He looks so natural lying there...

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

'Yes, they were using it to clean up the graffiti!'

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

The Modern Godot

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

The response of a spirit during a seance is in fact an annoyed neighbour.

Lost Property - Missing Head

'...and where did you bury the bone?'

"Hi everyone, thanks for channeling in to help me with my ancestry project."

Scarecrow.

"If you look at Lexington Avenue, it is anyone's guess what's happening on the 6 train. Moving on to Broadway, I can tell you that the N and R Lines may or may not be running smoothly, while the Eighth Avenue A and C are, as always, a complete mystery."

"...He appears to have stepped away from his body."

"Hmmm...this'll be a tough one..."

Mutant Mootunes - Incased in Ice Miss Marple

New York City Santa with huge bag hails cab.

'Remember, all these security cameras are for YOUR protection...otherwise, I'd come over there and smack you.'

Communicate with the departed via the cloud.

...and I see the catering is sorted.

'Well Mrs. Henson, form the looks of this place, egg stacking, children claw marks, chicken blood graffiti, egg splat everywhere, I'd have to say this is the work of a poultry geist!'

'Oh dear. My husband looks suspicious.'

F.B.I. An equal opportunity phone tapper without regard to race, sex, or national origin.

I don't trust that guy.

"At least have the decency to send her a text to tell her you're not interested."